Understanding Gender

Dear all,

Recent days, I have been amazed by the rise of lots of Social Activists and i need to believe the fashion trend now is to have social activism views. I appreciate in a certain way that at least there are people think about things happening around them and not just being concentrated about their own salary, computers, entertainment, etc... In another way it is also painful to see immature comments being passed from masses and more so painful when it comes from influential people. 

I am going to elicit my experience and viewpoints about the recently hot topic, "Women Safety". I know I am touching a very sensitive area but I need to because if I do not then who else will (my professional credibility). 

I am not a great statistician, but i am not giving you senseless information either. I am a very active person in Facebook and you all know that’s an ideal modern platform for social activism. I see a lot of posts demanding punishments for rape as in the Arab Countries and they demand freedom as in Europe countries.

That’s too absurd, you live in India, need punishments as in Arab, wants freedom as in Europe. I just cannot understand it. One cannot be that way. All the hypes surrounding the Rape issues recently are more sensitized by the media not much for their social commitment rather more for their business commitments, the evidences are “if some media really want to save and do good for the victim, it would rather not show the faces of the entire family and not the victim alone on TV, in India it is not only the person but the family, society gets victimized for any crime related issues. Will I not find the girl who was victimized if I knew her sister or parents or friends? And they are showed on TV, so point number one the media is bad as of now, and let us not simply be driven by these corporate, business oriented media and anchors.

If the activist groups claim to be needing the freedoms as in Europe, you first have to understand what the situation there is, You are really given the expectations that you expect, the so called freedom, but right there the cultural context is so different, pre-marital sex is not seen as a crime, people are accepted if you have sex till you are safe, relationships are tangible, women and men are ready to accept if their partner has previous sex experience. Would our Indian families, women, girls accept it? The answer of the majority will be ‘NO’, in one way a guy or a girl gets a lot of scope to satisfy their sexual thirst, which cannot be ruled out as psychological disability.

Ok next People want punishments as in Arab, with my little knowledge, the punishments are very harsh but to earn that the women there have to suffer more than imaginations. If you see the punishments in Arab are so strict it is also because of its culture, women are mandated to wear ‘Pardha’, are mandated to fully cover their body. Women and men are not allowed to speak unless you are a blood relative or the husband of the girl. In the case of implementing those legislation, can we also implement same restrictions on our women? It’s too hard so are the punishments hard.

OK, even if we implement such strict laws, is it of a major use? I doubt it.  Because it would be unfair and not so wise trying to eradicate an issue which is primarily morality based.

People calls out for justice but what they really mean is Revenge in the name of Justice, Justice if you  ask any parent, friends, siblings, partners, anyone who is really emotionally related to a rape victim they would define it as “ it shall not repeat for anyone in the future and not merely punishing or killing the victimizer”.

Will chemical castration eradicate it, it will create more unrest, and only the middle class and money less people gets under this, a powerful rich person can anyway turn the medical reports of a rape with his money and hence it can only be targeted to turn down money less offenders, in that case too it is not justice if it is not just for everyone. So point two is let us not be overtly ferocious about new laws rather try to understand more about the issues involved.

Third point is about culture, We are a very conserved society and we need to understand, some people might have moved to the so called “civilized” world but he majority of the country are still in our own tradition, so much of developmental activities, migration could only do very little in terms of casteism.

I am a firm believer in indigenous culture and its localized use. If I am living in India then I cannot behave like a European, if I do it’s like wearing winter wears in the summer at Chennai, I should be called insane. A girl cannot be wearing a short and roam around  in a village people will definitely give a weird look, be tempted because that’s not our custom, we are not used to it and no one can say develop to our standards when they come to my place. Same way all these developed urban population will definitely look so weird at a guy who wears a  lungi for a mall, simply because it is not accepted as a normal wear by the majority so one have to understand that they need to go with the majority and the sons of the soil rather than trying to impose the thoughts of the minority , already India has a rich experience in accepting the minorities views with reference caste discriminations.

Do not mistake me, I do not rule out the choice of women to dress as per their wish, once when I visited Mumbai, I was really amazed to see a girl roaming alone with a shorts, really short, and a tight T-shirt, the purest of pure men will also be tempted. She was safe roaming like that at midnight. I was happy. So I was eager to know how this could happen in India since that was the first time I ever witnessed such an incident. There was a local person; a social worker who explained me that these are very common and I may witness a lot more which I did, during the course of my stay I also saw men and women students studying late night together and also some smooching, cuddling, uncalled activities inside an educational campus. Both can happen in such a free institution. I would have loved to do the former inside an educational campus but I would also have avoided the former if the later cannot be avoided. So one must understand that freedom does not ensure safety.

I currently live in Madurai at the time of writing this blog and I also have the privilege of being in some rural places. Women cannot be seen after 9 pm on the roads, and I heard a person speaking in a tea shop, all these rapes are very high where there is lot of developments and there are lots of cultural mishaps, I was reminded about the social worker in Mumbai he told me that even in Mumbai, there are safe places for girls to roam around and there are not so safe places to roam around. I have also heard for my wonder that rapes are very less among the women of Jipsy communities and they quoted that key reason is that women have to report to the community by night and they cannot be late in night, people may criticize rights perspective but one thing I have observed is their social control technique was very much effective and also accepted by them. I am not propagating the same for all women but I urge the young women and the older women to sensitize our girls to know what is safe and unsafe and not succumbing to the ego. If there is a pit we will better not go into it, try to level the pit in a more practical perspective may be going near the pit and not inside the pit, if you do it from inside the pit you are only burying yourself. So if you wear a tight T-shirt and short midi (just for example) that’s fine but you simply cannot expect the boys not to see you or give you a look for it tempts them biologically, in that way I shall also add even saree or any dress do not guarantee you from being looked. I still remember a girl I was a friend with and one more junior of mine, two beautiful girls but knew exactly when to talk, what to wear, how to talk, how to show up. These are two girls I have always heard my friends term beautiful rather than sexy which boys generally term for any good looking girl and for a fact both of them prefer modern dresses, but the interesting fact is they knew when to wear what and how to wear what. That’s a key. They also chose their route, they way they avoid guys it would never be hurtful. So point number four is be aware of your situation, culture and act accordingly, be wise rather than brave.

I want to end with a quote of a friend “whatever may the women activist show their concern over women, rape and safety of women, none of the men there would be willing to marry a rape victim nor the women be ready to take a rape victim as their daughter-in-law or sister-in-law”.

One core thing I want to convey through this blog is not being over emotional and too quick to post your views, but to be more sensitive to the issues and issues relating to that, have an open mind to understand issues. If social activism is done to carry their social status it is of no use, if it done with heart there will be more carefulness to handling the issues.

I have not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or views but to put forth my view and also trying to establish a mutual understanding rather than one perspective.

Your comments are highly regarded and will be discussed and if you prove me wrong I will be happier to give you a salute and accept it but you may have to earn that since I am a hard nut to crack.

Thank you for reading, do post in your views, comments, and come back sooner.

Love & Regards,

Daniel Sundar Raj.B.A.